You Can't Analyze Everything!
by FragilePuzzle
Summary: L/Near shota. When L's top three successors receive a laptop used specifically for talking to L, it's obvious that something bad is bound to happen, especially when you throw a desperate, redheaded computer-lover into the mix! Request for Ovomarious.


**A/N: **This is indeed adult x child shota. Don't say I didn't warn you. Just porn and masturbation, however, no real sex.

Anyways, a **request for Ovomarious**—this fic is quite overdue, and I should be shot for taking so long. Try and enjoy the story nonetheless. I love you, Ovomarious, for waiting so patiently. XD I give you complete permission to hate me for the fact that this fic sucks so much. ^ ^;;;

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L's top three successors were waiting in Roger's office, the old man apparently having a 'surprise' for them. Granted, they didn't always like his surprises, but since they were only the tender ages of nine, ten, and eleven, it wasn't though they had much choice in whether or not they participated in said surprises. The youngest, a highly intelligent boy named Near, was the most excited of them all—apparently, this surprise had something to do with L himself!

As the old man hobbled behind his desk, Mello snapped a bite off of the chocolate bar he held in his hand, and Matt fiddled with the hem of his shirt, dexterous fingers catching hold of a loose thread and violently ripping it out, wishing that he had a videogame of some sort. The two older boys didn't seem very interested in what Roger had to say as the orphanage caretaker began to speak, but little Near clung to his every word like it was a lifeline.

"Now—Near, Mello, Matt—L has been generous enough to gift the three of you a personal laptop that you may use to contact him while he is away on cases. I know the three of you may be a bit young, but I'm sure that you'll enjoy this privilege, and I know how much L has been wanting to talk to you, ask you how you're doing on your studies, the like. The laptop has a webcam and IMing capabilities, as well as unrestricted internet, but I doubt that you'll be using that very much. Back on topic, L has taken time out of his busy schedule to give you each a small amount of time to talk to him—whether or not you do today is your choice. However, he requires to speak to you each personally tomorrow."

Near was internally ecstatic, trying to keep a small smile from flickering on to his face…he wasn't able to completely, and the tiniest of grins played at the corners of his small, pale lips, but nobody else in the room noticed. His large, innocent, gray eyes flickered over to the laptop, straining and getting his emotions back under control completely.

"Mello, since I can tell that you are either eager to talk to L, or eager to leave, you may go first. Matt and Near may stay if you wish, but the three of us will also wait in the hallway if it makes you more comfortable," said Roger, opening the laptop to expose a shiny new screen with a gothic "W" for the desktop.

"Get 'um out," demanded the chocoholic, gesturing towards the door, ignoring Matt's kicked-puppy-dog face and scowling at Near. "You aren't allowed to hear mine and L's _private_ conversations, thank you very much."

'_Private conversations?'_ wondered Near, nodding as he made his way out of the room with Matt, whom, by now, looked to be betrayed and on the verge of tears, frequently looking back towards his blonde friend. _'Mello and L have…private conversations? What could they possibly be for?'_

As soon as the two were outside of the room, and the old man had shut the office door behind them, Near began to twirl a lock of his snowy white hair around his pale index finger, which was still slightly chubby…not unattractively so, but the kind of fingers you would expect to see on a small child. His cheeks were still slightly rounder than any other child his age, and it just added to his Peter Pan syndrome, and the fact that he had always looked a few years younger than he was. Many people thought it was cute, but he didn't particularly have an opinion on it, himself.

"Matt?" he piped up, yanking particularly hard on the same curl as he gained the redhead's attention. "Does Matt happen to know what L and Mello's conversations pertain to?"

"Per…tain?" he repeated, adjusting the pair of orange goggles that rested on his head, obviously confused.

"It means to belong or be connected as a part, adjunct, possession, or attribute," Near said, innocent voice light and slightly airy. "So does Matt know what Mello and L talk about in their '_private conversations_'?"

"Mello never…tells me…." he said, voice hollow as he let out a sad sigh. "He never tells me _anything_, he just makes me be his friend because I don't HAVE any other friends, and he's a big meanie…but don't tell him that I said that, because I didn't mean it! I-I was…um…just joking! So please don't tell him!"

Near nodded, and the two boys stood in silence for the few minutes that Mello was in Roger's office. It seemed like forever, but eventually, the blonde came out of the room with a satisfied smirk plastered to his face. He smirked at Near as he walked away, ignoring even Matt, blonde hair flying out behind him as his powerful strides commanded the attention of everybody he passed.

'_Does Mello do things…with L…that I do not?' _the small boy wondered, twirling a lock of hair around a frighteningly thin finger. '_Does he perhaps…what is it that he could possibly do with him that I do not? Not that I do many things with L, but I…'_

"Near, Matt, why don't the two of you go into the room now?" Roger suggested, pushing the two small boys into the room as he spoke. "Matt, I figure you know how to use the laptop, so why don't you show Near? Apparently, Fallon started another food fight in the cafeteria, so I have to go take care of that. Behave!"

With that, the old man was gone, and the two young boys were left in a room alone…with a laptop that had no restrictions. Unlike the normal school computers, which had restrictions that Matt had hacked through by the time he was five, this one was completely free of any search moderators. Because of this, the redheaded gamer, or course, was the first to grab the newfound toy. He immediately pulled up an internet browser, looking at Near through orange goggles which he had pulled over his eyes moments ago. He beckoned the small boy over to where the laptop rested, flipping it so that Near could sit in Roger's large chair as he showed him whatever it was that he wanted to show the smaller boy. Now the screen was not visible to anybody who happened to open the door to Roger's office…but what Near didn't know was that this was purposeful.

"Hey Near, wanna see something?" Matt asked, inwardly smirking as he looked at the innocent little boy standing by the side of the desk. "C'mere…it'll only take a second!"

Matt watched as the small boy wandered over to him, only thinking about how proud Mello would be once he had told him what he had done…oh, this one was just _too_ good to pass up. Then the blonde would be his best friend, and maybe he would even reward him by playing videogames with him—that was just so fun! Most of all, though…Mello would be so-super-proud that he humiliated Near. He knew that was what the blonde always liked to do, so when he told him about this…!

"Just sit in the chair, and I'll be right back!" Matt said happily, hopping out of the old man's large chair, running over to the door and stepping outside of it—he poked his head back in a moment later, playful grin on his face. "Just watch the video, and I already signed you in to talk to L if you want to, right? Just click that little button down there in the corner, okay? Byebye, then!"

With that, Matt was gone, off to go make the food fight that much worse and tell Mello all about his amazing feat. After he watched the redhead leave, Near turned his focus back to the computer, looking at what was playing on the screen. It was on a site called 'Yaoi fangirl dream kawaii desu,' whatever that meant…it was written all over the webpage in bright pink and orange that made Near's eyes hurt. However, he trusted the redhead enough to not exit out of the webpage just yet. Maybe it was something beneficial for him to watch.

Gray eyes stared at the small video screen as the movie that was showing began to play. It was something about a boy who had to go pet sitting…he didn't see how this could be very beneficial, but apparently, the video wasn't too long, so he figured that he should watch it nonetheless. The boy—he forgot what his name was, he wasn't paying much attention—made his way to the apartment he was supposed to be pet sitting in, and there were thuds coming from the closet. Who kept their rabbit in the closet, anyways? That was…strange. Anyways, the boy walked over to the closet, opening the door, and—

—Near was shocked at what he saw next. This was utterly inappropriate…there was actually a _boy_ in the closet, mostly naked and tied up with a pair of bunny ears on his head. A soft blush covered the small boy's face as he continued to watch, not being able to draw his eyes away from the video. Suddenly, the bunny-boy was taking off the other boy's pants and…Near felt a slight throbbing coming from in between his legs, one he had never felt before. Finally managing to tear his gray orbs away from the sight, he looked down and saw that there was a small bulge in his pants. Rubbing his thighs together, he turned back to the video, watching as the bunny-boy…inserted the pet sitter's penis into his rectum, causing the small boy to entertain less-than-innocent thoughts as he watched the scene progress. However, as the pet sitter threw the bunny-boy on to the floor and began to thrust harshly in and out of him, Near couldn't take it anymore.

The small boy quickly exited out of the web browser, the throbbing between his legs becoming much more prominent now. He didn't know what this was, nor did he know what to do…he considered getting up and finding Roger to ask about it, but then he realized he had a much wealthier source of knowledge right at his fingertips—L. The small boy quickly clicked on the instant messenger icon Matt had showed him, and a small chatbox quickly popped up. There was only one contact—Ryuzaki—so he knew that must be L. Double-clicking on it, he brought up another chatbox that prompted him to type a message.

**Near says: **_Hello?_

**Ryuzaki says: **_Hello, Near. Have you decided that it would be appropriate to talk to me?_

**Near says: **_Actually, I have what L may call…a problem. I do not know what it is, so I decided that it would be best to ask L about it._

**Ryuzaki says: **_Problem? What would that be, Near?_

**Near says: **_Matt prompted me to watch a video…and it showed some…things that were not very…appropriate, per say._

**Ryuzaki says: **_ What kind or 'inappropriate' things?_

**Near says: **_Sexual intercourse between two males._

**Ryuzaki says: **_…I see. I will have to report this to Roger, of course…that was not something proper for Matt to do, of course._

**Near says: **_However…I do have… a sort of…problem._

L paused for a second. If Near had been watching porn, as he said he was, then it was utterly possible that the small boy had an erection. Keys clacked, and then there was a gentle _ping_ as the detective sent another message.

**Ryuzaki says: **_Is your genitalia swollen? _

**Near says: **_Yes, it is…does L know what caused this? I do not know…what to do._

**Ryuzaki says:** _Well, Near…you see, your body gives you an erection when you see something that is sexually stimulating. It is in preparation for sex. Have they taught you what sex is yet?_

**Near says:** _Is sex not the same thing as intercourse?_

**Ryuzaki says:** _Yes, sex is the same thing as intercourse. Do you know what sex is for?_

**Near says:** _Sex is…for reproducing, correct? I think that reproducing is its only purpose._

**Ryuzaki says:** _Now…that is not exactly true._

**Near says:** _Yes? Does it have another purpose?_

**Ryuzaki says:** _There is also a lot of satisfaction to be found in sex. This is usually known as 'sexual pleasure.'_

**Near says:** _This…erection….does not seem to be sexually pleasing in the least._

**Ryuzaki says:** _Have you tried touching it?_

**Near says:** _I did not assume that it was safe to…play with it._

**Ryuzaki says:** _Would you like me to show you how?_

**Near says:** _Is L suggesting that we have sexual intercourse over the computer?_

**Ryuzaki says:** _…_

**Ryuzaki says:** _I'm afraid that's not possible. However, your laptop has two-way webcaming capabilities, correct?_

**Near says:** _I blevie so, though I am afraid that I am not sure how to use them. Matt showed me the…video, and then Matt left._

**Near says: **_*believe_

**Ryuzaki says:** _There should be an icon that looks like a circular camera on the desktop of the computer. Please double-click on it._

**Near has left the conversation.**

Suddenly, on the detective's computer screen, a small box with the words, "Webcam request from Near" came up. He clicked on 'accept,' and abruptly, a medium-sized window popped up. It showed a small, white-haired boy, his large gray eyes utterly nervous, small erection causing a tent-like shape to pitch itself in his loose pants. L chewed on his thumbnail as he observed the sight, finding it surprisingly enticing. He had always found Near quite attractive, and the detective didn't even think of the fact that, should he do anything with Near, he could be arrested with charges of pedophilia. L wasn't the type of person to think about petty things like that.

"L?" the boy asked awkwardly, thin arm rising to twirl a lock of perfectly snowy white hair around a frighteningly skinny finger.

**Ryuzaki has left the conversation.**

The raven-haired man quickly connected the end of his webcam to Near's, allowing them both to see each other. Shyly waving, Near bit his lip in embarrassment as he looked down at his erection once again, gray eyes fluttering slightly as he looked back up at L.

"Near, please remove your pants," L said, gesturing for the small boy to slip off his pants and drop them on the floor. His successor complied, a pair of pure white underwear not doing much to hide his erection anymore. It seemed as though everything about the boy was _white_…such an innocent and pure color. However, as a slight, pink blush dusted his cheeks, L realized that Near must have recognized the trail of sight his eyes had taken.

"What would L…like me to do now?" he asked obediently, not wanting to disappoint his idol. Was this what Mello and L did in _their_ special talks?

"Please make sure the door is locked before removing your underwear," said L, no hesitation in his voice whatsoever. He knew that the door to his darkened hotel room was locked, and even if it wasn't, the only person that could possibly walk in on him was Watari—and he knew that the old man was out on his sweet-run of the day…which usually took him three to four hours.

Near hopped out of the chair, a slight whine escaping his mouth as he hit the ground, and then the small boy disappeared off the sight of the webcam for a moment. There was a click to signal that he had locked the door, and then there was the sound of footsteps as he made his way back to Roger's large, leather chair, and a final creak as he climbed back into it. He looked at L quickly, the detective giving him a nod to signal that he should go ahead, and then Near slipped his underwear off, dropping them on the floor a moment later. As Near looked back up at him, the pink dusting on his cheeks growing slightly darker as he spread his legs slightly and moved his pajama shirt out of the way, L's own cock twitched and threatened to become slightly erect…Near was just so trusting of him.

"What am I…supposed to do now?" he asked, voice slightly strained as his erection pulsed, the image of the bunny-boy popping into his head. "I-It is beginning to…become slightly more painful…"

"You may touch it," L said, eyes unblinking as he watched Near gently trace his fingers down his own small cock, a whimper falling from his lips as his toes curled and looked for something to clench on to. All of the blood in L's body immediately fled to his groin as his successor looked back up at him, as if requesting permission to touch himself again—L quickly nodded, eyes affixed on Near's normally-emotionless face, watching as it became redder the more he ran his petite hands up and down his erection. His method of trying to get himself to release wasn't the best for him, but it was certainly the most enjoyable for L to watch. Without knowing it, Near had opted for the slow way, softly running his fingertips across his slit that was gently dripping pre-cum, rubbing the palms of his hand lightly against the underside, whimpering and gasping the entire time.

"It is more pleasurable if you squeeze it," L directed the small boy, having watched for a few minutes now and deciding that it was time to get Near to cum. His spidery hand moved down to his own jeans, popping the button open and unzipping the zipper, his painful erection finally being freed. "Would you like me to show you?"

Near didn't say anything, but he gently pulled his hand away from his own erection, fingers connected by thin strings of sticky pre-cum. Gray eyes turned to look at L, widening slightly as he saw the size of his idol's swollen length—it took a moment, but he slowly nodded, curls bouncing slightly. Biting his lip as he watched L begin to pump himself roughly, his eyes widened more at the fact that the detective was groaning, his face red as well. He had never seen L express emotion like this…and wasn't he the cause of it?

Suddenly, L stopped, his own hands covered in pre-cum as well. He turned his unblinking eyes to Near, gesturing for the small boy to do what he had just been doing. Near complied almost immediately, beginning to pump himself roughly, just as L had done, strangled moans falling from his lips as he tried to keep as quiet as possible. White bangs quickly became plastered to his forehead with sweat, cheeks now red as cherries, his head resting against the back of Roger's large chair. As L continued to watch, his hands made their way down to his own erection, picking up from where he left off minutes ago, handling himself with no care at all. All he could seem to focus on was the way his successor twisted and squirmed, arching his hips into his own hands, small and perfectly-shaped lips slipping open to allow more moans to escape.

Without warning, Near spurted his hot, white cum all over his hands, eyes snapping open as a loud intake of breath forced itself down his throat. His body convulsed once, and he suddenly went limp in the chair, panting harshly. The small boy's eyes were closed, so he didn't even notice as L came as well, the sight of the adorable boy cumming sending him completely over the edge. It wasn't until L let out one last groan did the small boy open his eyes and see that L had sticky white residue all over his hands. Readjusting himself slightly, Near sat up, eyes fixated on L. Before he knew it, one burning question was forcing itself to the front of his mind.

"L…" Near softly asked, breath still irregular as he began looking around for some sort of tissue to wipe the cum off of his hands with. "Does L…do this in his private talks with Mello?"

The detective chuckled at his successor's nervous face that quickly turned into a slight pout when he heard his laughter. After grabbing a tissue off of a table nearby, he decided that Near was probably genuinely worried about this, judging by the expression on his face.

"No, Near," he reassured the smaller boy, watching as his face relaxed slightly. "Whenever I talk to Mello, the only thing he ever discusses is you."

"Me…? Why would Mello feel the need to talk about…me?" asked the white-haired boy, making sure his hands and thighs were completely clean of any dirty evidence of what he had been doing before he pulled his underwear on.

"I believe he has a crush on you," the detective said with a small smile, watching as Near's blush came back with a vengeance. "Maybe you should try to be friends and work with him, and he could stop being so violent towards your person."

"But…Mello would not want to be friends with me—"

"May I tell you a secret, Near?" the detective interrupted, small smile still playing at his lips. "If you and Mello were to work together, you would surpass me. I can't exactly tell by how much at the moment, but I am guessing that it would at least be over thirty-point-four percent."

Near's eyes widened at this notion, freezing with his pants halfway up and halfway down, and he batted his eyelashes before pulling them the rest of the way up and nodding. L watched as his successor's eyes flickered over to the door, and all it took was a nod from L to send him running off. For all L knew, he could have just influenced the outcome of any future cases, now that Near had an inclination to work together with Mello. Now all that the detective had to worry about was how much longer Watari would take on his sweet run. He was really craving some white chocolate now.

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**End Note/Secret Confession!: **L…tsk tsk, you naughty shota perv. ;D I'm falling in love with shota, I swear. = w = Little innocent Near and little not-so-innocent Mello are too much for me to resist! : O I still felt dirty writing this, surprisingly. Is it bad that I can write rape, bloody sadism, and torture without batting an eyelash, but it's hard for me to write about people masturbating in front of each other? XD

And of course...I had to throw some Mello/Near in there... you can pretend it doesn't exist if you want. X3

~FragilePuzzle


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